Not good enough! Back on track! Come on!...
Our inner dialogue is fascinating and, at times, self-tormenting. We are so accustomed to being self-critical that it has become a widespread issue. We all have an inner voice that constantly chatters away and is quick to judge both ourselves and the world around us. It has two sidekicks: confirmation bias and ego (great duo, huh…). And they sabotage us.
Saboteurs
We all have different inner saboteurs we struggle with, but one we all share is the Judge. Like a jack-in-the-box, it pops up and critiques everything we do. It emerged at some point in our childhood as a defense mechanism, helping us navigate and interpret our surroundings. It’s certainly beneficial for children to learn how to navigate life. The problem arises when this part of us doesn’t mature into adulthood, leaving us stuck with a fear-driven rationale and perspective of a 5-year-old. That benefits neither you nor those around you.
But how do we silence the inner voice that keeps chattering away? How can we quiet our minds and stop feeling insecure? … We can’t. But what we can do is become aware and practice. Because the one who just makes noise and chatters endlessly should not disturb the one who knows.
NAME THE BEAST
It’s about becoming aware of our thought and behavior patterns and accepting that not all the thoughts that arise in our mental chatter are useful or 100% representative of who we are. Often, it’s automatic behavior, not conscious choices. You might recognize this if you’ve ever tried meditating and attempted to think of nothing … Yes, that’s super easy, right? Thoughts fly around, and the brain spins endlessly. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be trained. When we become aware that our brain is spiraling, we can catch it again. When we do this and choose a different path over time, we build new neural pathways. So instead of continuing at 120 km/h down the four-lane highway, we train ourselves to take the small side road, which might offer a different reality than the one our saboteur has presented to us for years. In other words, we can train and reprogram our thought patterns and change our behavior.
Is it easy? No! Can you do it? Absolutely!
ZEN MOMENT
You won’t get more time, so something else has to change.
When you return home to your family after work, excited to spend time with your kids, but find yourself flatlining cognitively and emotionally, checking out of the moment, and unable to be present, the Judge shows up again. But beating yourself up doesn’t help. You’re running on empty, and if you don’t put on your own oxygen mask first, you won’t be of much use to anyone.
But what can you do, and how do you silence the inner Judge and calm your mind? It takes hard work and prioritization, but it’s absolutely possible. We help many people find more balance and peace by identifying their inner saboteurs and learning to catch them before they cause too much damage. And it’s a joy to witness when people start taking themselves seriously and prioritize creating balance—for their own sake and for the benefit of those around them.
It starts with accepting the premise—you are good enough as you are. Thought patterns and behaviors can be changed and trained.